Tag Archives: deep thoughts

Fitting in and the peak

I have to say that I am really glad that my lifting posts give everyone ideas or inspire people to lift.  I was thinking a lot about this lately, especially after the brouhaha with the Marie Claire article and the discussions following.  Plus Pubsgal and MizFit had brought up some points about blogger clicques.

I am currently sitting at Starbucks with John as I contemplate this post.

I have sort of wondered where my blog fits into the blogosphere.  It used to be about weight loss, of which there are so many (yay!).  Now that I am not focusing on losing, but maintaining, I don’t really think of it as a weight loss blog anymore.  I don’t quite feel like a healthy living blogger because I am not in my 20s, which most seem to be, and not too many of them have lost much weight (although some have).  I am not a competitive athlete and have no plans for that or even really getting too much faster, so I don’t necessarily fit in there.  I lift weights, but I don’t have any interest in competing, and I can’t really get that lean LOL.  I am not just a food blogger, either.  I guess I feel on the fringes sometimes, but that is really kind of how I felt through high school and some of my adult life anyway.

One point the MC article made and something I have read about on a couple other blogs is about how someone who photographs and posts every meal and workout has disordered eating.  Well, gee – that is my blog.

Case in point – breakfast this morning.

That is what it is supposed to be.  What is the real difference between someone who writes in journal every day of their foods and exercise and someone who does it in pictorial version?  The first person is not considered to have disordered eating, but taking control.  Difference? None.

I just hope that I can bring across that you can maintain a weight loss by just living life imperfectly.  That means having tough days of snacking.  That means finding enjoyment in being active.  It means not assigning foods as good and bad or feeling guilty for eating.  It means having a cupcake at times or going for a day with no added sugar.  I really don’t know why people feel the need to pigeonhole everything so that they can have a reaction to it.

Anyhoo – that is enough of the sweepings from my mind into the blog!  I just want to say that I appreciate all of you readers (even the lurkers!!) and am really happy that you find some tidbits of anything to pick and think about from my blog.  It’s really just a springboard for living how you need and want to.

Now for something completely different…  My brick today.  It was the peak workout before the duathlon. John accompanied me on the bike portion.  We kicked it pretty good for 16.8 miles.  At the turnaround point, I took some pictures:

It’s the early yellow color right now.  Some dark oranges and reds should be popping soon. Not at its peak.

It was windy.

Gorgeous, though!

After I got back from the 16.8 miles, I put on the sneaks and did 2.5 miles on the hill route.  I was quite tired during the run.  My thighs were burning on the hill, but I kept plodding on.  I had to blow my nose on a leaf, too.  I don’t have the nerve like some people do to just blow their nose out in the air.  I would wear it for sure! 😳

This was the last of the really hard workouts – yay!  Taper starts next week.

How was that for a change up of posts? :mrgreen:

Pink item of the day. This is my gorillapod – which is the flexie tripod for my camera.

The Breast Cancer Site

Deep thoughts on will power.

It’s bagel day!  I wasn’t sure we were going to be able to bike, as it looked like it was threatening rain.  However, we went anyway.  Here is my bike all locked up at the bagel place.

In the past, we didn’t really lock up our bikes at this place very often, but now I am so paranoid after mine got stolen that I want to lock it up in our garage!  Of course, we all know the lock didn’t stop the thieves before….

Anyhoo, I had a sunflower bagel.  So good!  I love bagels with nuts and seeds and things in (and on) them.

We were actually having an interesting discussion today at breakfast about losing weight and will power.  Did any of you catch that show on the other night on ABC about the brain stimulator for weight loss?

In a nutshell, it is a procedure for people who are obese and have failed at all other attempts at weight loss, including gastric bypass surgery.  The woman on the show had the stimulator implanted and it followed her progress over the course of a year while they tried to control her appetite and fullness sensations.  She said that all her cravings were gone and she did not obsess about food anymore.  However, she did not lose any weight in a  year.  What I found most interesting is that she went into a metabolism study chamber for a week and during that time, lost 10 pounds.  Was this because she was taken out of her food environment and was unable to snack and such as before?

So many people say “Just stop eating so much” when talking to obese people.  It’s not really just a matter of stopping eating.  The more and more I ponder upon this, I feel like it is the body/brain actually pushing us to eat, even when we aren’t hungry.   (I think this is a totally different thing than the emotional eater who is trying to bury some past trauma.)  The results of this are just manifesting now in society because of the easy availability of food, and poor nutritious quality food at that.  It’s not a normal thing, more like an illness or disease process – and certainly not always mental or just being lazy.

And yet, it can be conquered without heroics or medical intervention.  If I take myself for example – I struggled for so long with weight and just couldn’t keep it off, and now  I have lost and kept off over 100 pounds for 2 years.

There are still those days where I feel driven to eat – absolutely driven, even if I am not hungry.  It’s not really emotional, either.  The thoughts pop up while I am working, or watching TV, or while biking.  That’s just not what genetically ‘normal weight’ people are like.  It takes an enormous amount of control to not chow my way through a box of cereal or use a spoon in the nut butter jar.  Sometimes I give in.    I wonder why is it that I have control over this impulse (at least for now) that not a lot of people have.   And how long will I have it?  Will it just get to be too tiring after a while, like it does for the majority of people who lose weight?  The vigilance can really be tiring at times as it is 24/7/365.

(BTW – I am not asking these questions as an egotistical way for you to say “Yes, you can do it.”  Just bringing myself up for example.)

When I hurt my back and was on the Vicodin and Flexeril, I had no appetite and absolutely no desire for food.  Something about those medications squashed whatever portion of my brain it is that drives me to eat.  As soon as I went off of those and back to plain old ibuprofen, my appetite came back.  If there was a pill or something to take to make that feeling go away, I wonder if I would take it.

If you have a chance to sit and watch the whole show, all the video clips are on this site.  There is another interesting story of a sleep eater as well.  That has to be even worse, I think.

You know, I think I am going to just let you all chew on this instead of posting more eats  for the day LOL!

Question:  What are your thoughts on will power, and is it different for morbidly obese people?

Am I a role model?

Woke up to a rainy, rainy morning.  That meant no biking for bagels today.  I do have my limits.  😀  We drove to Panera where I had a blueberry bagel.

This is why I don’t like Panera coffee:

Every time this happens to me.  John and I will get coffee from the same urn and my cup will have grounds – his won’t.  What is up with that??

Anyway, my mom called on her way out of church and stopped in to Panera and we chatted for a while.  That was fun!  Then is was grocery shopping and time to work once again.

Stubby was back today.

He looks like a rabbit when he runs.

I did stop for lunch with leftovers of the chickpea masala thing I made on Friday tucked into a wrap and put in the GT express.  Quite tasty.

Mz. Fit wrote a post the other day about whether bloggers are role models.  I really thought a lot about that and why I blog.  I started this blog for myself a few years ago, and never really thought I would get any readers at all.  It has changed quite a bit over the years, from strictly a weight loss blog to more of a lifestyle blog.  One thing that I noticed is that there are a ton of weight loss blogs on the internets, but very few in the maintenance phase.

I think more people who are maintaining need to keep up their blogs so we can see what it is like on a daily basis for someone to keep the weight off.   Not as role models, but as a glimpse into reality.  I know that there are people who look at my blog and see ice cream or cupcakes and think it is not really a healthy living blog or that I might be setting a bad example (like dangling said cupcake in front of someone who is restricting themselves from that).  Honestly, I am just living my life making choices that make me happy and allow me to maintain my weight loss.  I know that I weigh more than I probably *could* weigh if I put my mind to it.  However, I seem to be able to maintain the weight I am at and enjoy eating foods.  I don’t know if I want to bother doing something that would likely cause me to be unhappy to lose more weight (or stay unhappy trying to keep it off).  I have a good relationship with food now and no fear of eating.  That is huge.

I don’t know as I consider myself a role model.  I am not really striving to be one, but I do like to show that you can maintain weight loss.  I don’t know if I would tell someone to do exactly as I do because who knows if they would be successful or not??  Should I not post about eating cupcakes and enjoying them because that is not what a “healthy blogger” does?  Or is it something that a healthy blogger does do?  I read some blogs and they will state “please don’t hate me” and then talk about something they ate like it is a sin or something.  I don’t believe one should apologize for how they live their lives.  Of course if you post it, the whole world has the opportunity to …. shall we say…. critique your style of living, but does owning a blog require you to be a role model or censor yourself for your readers?  And is it different if you have 100 readers versus 10,000 readers?

I look to a lot of other bloggers for inspiration, ideas, and thoughts.  Sometimes just for kinship to know that others go through the same things that I do.  Anyhoo, that is just something I have been chewing on… haha.

Snack time!  John made up lattes with some chocolate syrup on top that he made last night.

I loves a man who cooks….  Granola bar on the side.

Nice ingredient list.

I should just make the darn thing myself – I have all those ingredients.

When work slowed down this afternoon, I set to making some jam for an exchange.  I did a rhubarb ginger to start.

It was actually fun.  I’ve made jam before, but never actually canned it.  I hope it preserves okay 😯  Tastes pretty darn good, if I do say so myself.  (toast and jam picture not available…)

Dinner time included a ground pork burger.

I think I will just stick to this over ground beef.  It is very moist, and usually cheaper at the smokehouse as well.  Gotta love a bargain…

Since it rained out today and no biking, I am going to hit it old school with a DVD for exercise tonight!  It’s been months since I have done that.  Gotta dust of the Firm workouts 😀

Question:  Do you censor your blog (or twitter, facebook, etc) at all?

Comparing to others

What a refreshing morning! The humidity is gone and I actually needed a light jacket biking to the gym today. Felt so good to breathe cooler air! I decided on weights only this morning and did a good workout.

Exercise Set/rep/weight Muscle worked
Stiff-legged deadlift 3 sets of 10 at 80# Lower body
Dumbbell Pullover 3 sets of 10 with 25# DB Back
Leg Press 1 set of 10 at 50#

1 set of 10 at 70#

1 set of 10 at 90#

1 set of 10 at 100#

 Legs
Barbell incline chest press 3 sets of 8 at 55# Chest
Horizontal Wood Chop 3 sets of 10 (each side) at 30# total Abs
Front Raise 3 sets with 10 with 8# DBS (16# total) Shoulders
Seated Calf Raise 3 sets of 10 at 110# Calves
Nosebreakers 3 sets of 10 with 30# bar Triceps
Biceps cable curl 3 sets of 10 at 40# Biceps

I actually worked biceps today, how about that??  Funny side note here:  I was doing the nosebreakers with the 30# bar, and I think a young guy (maybe 18) was watching me.  A little bit later, he goes to do nosebreakers with the 30# bar and then had to go get a lighter one LOL!  At least he didn’t try to stick it out and injure himself.

Biked home, really enjoying the non humidity and decided that I wanted the pumpkin cream cheese thing I had last week!

Delicious, although I used leftover egg whites from regular eggs instead of liquid egg whites and had some chunks in there.  John is making pumpkin ice cream and used up the yolks!

Steady work at both jobs today and good dictators, so life was good.  Except for the one doc who was eating while dictating and she was just smacking up her food while talking.  That was really gross.  Nothing like having someone chewing in your ear….

Lunch time!  Egg sammie with some tomato/mozzarella laughing cow.

This had a nice seasoning to it, and definitely a stronger flavor than the chipotle one.  I still added hot sauce, though.

I was thinking about that race the other day.  Although I normally don’t do this, I sometimes find it very hard not to compare myself with others.  I feel that people are so much better than I am at so many things.  With running, they run faster, they run more, they improve faster.   People who recently started running and already are faster than I am after 2 years of practice  or  are running really long distances.  On bikes, people go so much faster than I do (okay, I probably have the mileage…).  It was the same way losing weight, too.  I have always been a turtle with losses.  There are people who started after I did and are at goal.  People who lose multiple pounds in a week, you know the drill.

I know that this is not a way to think.  I know that.  But those thoughts are there.  Sometimes I don’t know how to get rid of those thoughts because I am not in competition with anyone and I never have thought that I was, so I don’t always understand why I even notice what others do.  I really love how far I have come and the things that I can do now that I never would have been able to do 100 pounds ago and I am very proud of that.  I do strive for more, however, and maybe that is where that comes from? I really can only be in competition with myself and can only compare against what I have done in the past.  I don’t really have negative thoughts about myself (I  don’t do negative self-talk), but sometimes I just feel…. inadequate maybe?  I am not even sure that is right, but it will do.

Moving on.  I decided not to have a latte today (gasp!) and instead had some dark chocolate and more blueberries for my afternoon snack.  Yay!

Then I finished up work with my working buddy:

She is glad I have the netbook because that means there is more room for her in my lap!

One of my finds at the farmer’s market was patty pan squash.

These were just too cute to pass up.  I decided to incorporate them into dinner.  I dipped them in egg whites and crushed Uncle Sam cereal and pan fried in a little coconut oil.  They were pretty tasty.  Will do a GVE post on these tomorrow.

It is such a gorgeous night that I will be going out for a walk and then having an evening snack!

Question:  Ever tried patty pan squash?

Intuitive/mindful eating

So – I am finally posting on the intuitive/mindful eating.  This is probably going to be a rambling post, so be forewarned!

I have decided that I prefer the term mindful eating because I actually think I am pretty intuitive about a lot of things in life already, but I need to pay attention to some things more (being mindful).   This month is more about doing that than trying to lose weight (more on that later).  I actually think I have a fairly good relationship with food now, but sometimes I wonder why I snack out of boredom or overeat during holidays.  I feel my feelings.  I don’t have emotional scars or issues that I have buried with food.   I ate too much and too many of things that allowed the fat to pile up quite easily (note I am not saying I ate the wrong foods, reframing that).

I tend to be a somewhat regimented eater on a schedule because of my activities.  I try to eat every few hours so that I don’t get too hungry.  If I get too hungry, or what I call “falling off the cliff,” it is very hard to reign in the eating after that.  It is almost like I cannot get full.  I don’t really know if that is my body trying to regulate insulin or what, but I just do not like to get to that point.  I also have the habitual eating, like my afternoon latte, which occurs pretty much at the same time each afternoon.  I am not always hungry (usually I am), but I always have it or some type of snack.  Sometimes just as a forethought to avoid the cliff scenario mentioned above.  Is that mindful?  I don’t know.

Sometimes my body gives me hunger signals when I don’t want them.  Like in the mid morning and I feel really hungry, and I know it is hunger, but I think  “I just had a 500 calorie breakfast 2 hours ago, WTF??”  Shouldn’t that last longer when it is a good mix of carbs, protein, and fat?  So, that is something I need to explore.

I have been trying to listen to my body telling me what to eat as well.  And that means breakfast for dinner sometimes!  Like when I had oats for dinner after a big bike ride.  I really think my body wanted the carbs to replenish all that glycogen.

Then I wonder about how intuitive eating works when I know that I must eat, but I am not hungry, such as after some of those rides we did.  My appetite was suppressed, but I know that my body needed fuel.  How does one handle that in an intuitive/mindful way when I know that I need to eat?  Or is that being mindful in a different way? (Maybe I am over analyzing here).

And what about weight loss?  I know a lot of people think of intuitive eating as a way to lose weight, but I don’t really think that is the purpose for it.  I read that if you eat only when you are hungry, that your body will naturally become a “normal” weight.   If you eat when you are hungry, how does that work if your body has a set point of say… 250 pounds?  What if my body intuitively wants to be 250 pounds, but my brain does not want my body to be 250 pounds?  How do I reconcile or trust that?

So anyhoo – these are just some of the things rambling in my mind.  I have to admit that sometimes the notion of intuitive eating annoys the crap out of me, and maybe that is the real reason why I am looking into it.  Because I don’t know why it would annoy me.

I actually get along well with my body now.  In the past, it was always me versus my fat body.  Then I learned that my body is actually okay, it’s the fat that is not.  Now it is me and my body against the fat, which I have separated from being connected to who I am and what my body is.  We are like a team being healthy together and having to face some challenges (which we don’t always win).  It will be an interesting month.

Musings on cheat days

John and I are out all day for a loooooong bike ride.  So, to keep you entertained, I thought I would break out a old post on my thoughts on cheat days.  I’ll be back on Sunday with a recap of the big ride 😀

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Musings on ‘cheat’ days

I don’t know if there is a term I care for less in the weight loss world than ‘cheat day’. The name alone is a totally negative term.

First, the word ‘cheat’ is defined by Websters as:

1: to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud
2: to influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice
3: to elude or thwart by or as if by outwitting
1 a: to practice fraud or trickery b: to violate rules dishonestly

Do any of these definitions sound like something you want to apply to your life? No one is perfect, and no one eats totally on plan all the time (I certainly don’t). But I don’t consider it ‘cheating’ when I go off plan. And sometimes those off plan foods are actually planned in. Then I have control over them.

Cheating also implies that the way you are eating is not something you can sustain for a lifetime. If you view your eating plan as so rigid and uncompromising that you cannot have some of your favorites – then how can you possibly expect to succeed in maintaining your weight loss (let alone getting to goal)?

I think it would be better to call it a choice rather than a cheat. There are too many negative feelings and associations with cheating: guilt, remorse, self loathing, the feeling of lack of control.

If you make a choice, then you are fully aware ahead of time as to the consequences of your actions. You can say,  “I am choosing to have this piece of cheesecake. It will not cause me to go off plan, it is not a license to abandon the rest of the day (eating wise), and I can get right back on my normal plan with the next meal.”
That can eliminate the guilt, because if you are going to have something – why not truly enjoy it without the guilt?