Category Archives: struggling

Post picnic and pizza.

Hi all!  I basically skipped a breakdown post for Saturday.  I had the blueberry sauce post scheduled (or so I thought) and when I got home last night, it hadn’t.  So I just uploaded that and decided to take a blog break.   I was pretty fatigued after our Memorial weekend picnic.  It’s amazing how a houseful of  people can make you so tired, even when it isn’t even your house!  I ate way too much yesterday.  Didn’t win this throwdown:

I also ran yesterday morning for a longer period of time.  I went out for 2.5 miles.  I was doing pretty well until the last 1/4 mile, then I just had no strength in my left leg at all and I started having a galloping run.  No pain during running, which was good.  I stopped then because I didn’t want to put undue stress on my right leg (and make it any bigger than my left than it already is!).  There is hope for a race in 2 weeks, I think.  I will be 2 weeks stronger in the left leg.

Anyway, on to today.  It’s bagel day!  We biked to Panera Bread (and we were up way early, too).  It was a gorgeous morning.  Blueberry bagel:

Nice relaxing morning since we had extra time and were early.  Unlike most people, I have to work today and on Memorial Day, but that’s okay.  We found a wallet on the side of the road on the way home, too.  It had all these credit cards, driver license, and business cards in it, although it was kind of exploded on the side of the road.  I called the number in the wallet, apparently it is a police officer, and am waiting to hear back.  Person lives in NYC, not sure what the wallet was doing 6 hours north!

It actually was really busy with leftover work. I think a lot of doctors uploaded dictations before leaving for the holiday weekend.

Lunch break and I was feeling undecided.  We had an ultra ripe banana, so I just decided to make cream of wheat with that.

Still having a little trouble snacking today.  Blueberries, chocolate chips, crackers.  Not sure what is wrong with me the last couple days.  I certainly have not moved forward in my goal to lose 3 pounds this month.  I really struggle with what goal is because I have never really been at goal.  My smallest adult weight was actually about 15 pounds heavier than my current weight when I was in my mid 20s.  I was told my goal weight then should be 105 pounds.  (Can you believe that??).  Of course, I never made it there and just went back up.  I have bounced around in a 10 pound range for the last couple years, and maybe this is just where I am supposed to be, even if I feel like I should be lower, and certainly look like I could be lower.  I am glad that I have maintained it so far, but I don’t know why I can’t officially call it.

Anyhoo, John made pizza for dinner.  I piled my pan roasted broccoli on top of it 😀

This was so good.  I am a lucky, lucky girl.

Making more soap tonight and a trip for a malt 🙄

Somebody needs to kick my butt for me.

Carrot Cake Oatmeal and baby steps

Happy new week!  I am feeling a little better today.  I have come to the realization now that my leg is going to take a long time to get better. 😥   At least I am pretty much off the crutches, although moving at a snail’s pace.  I was able to stand long enough to take a full shower this morning, which was a big change.  My knee is still numb, though, which is really weird.

I had this idea for breakfast oats while reading Debby’s blog about putting zucchini in oats.  I thought – why not carrots??  So – I present to you Carrot Cake Oats!

  • 40 grams of oats
  • 1 tsp brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup finely grated carrots
  • 10 grams chopped raisins
  • 1 tsp cinnamon
  • 1 cup water
  • 1/4 cup egg whites
  • 5 toasted pecans
  • 1 tbsp light cream cheese
  • 10 grams of powdered sugar (approx 1 tbsp)

Add the carrots, spice, and raisins to the water in a small saucepan and bring to a boil.   Add the oats and cook for several minutes until almost done.  Whisk in the egg whites and cook for another minute.  In a small bowl, combine the cream cheese and powdered sugar until mixed.  Top the oats with the cream cheese mixture and crush the nuts on top.

This was soooo good!  I think I would leave out the brown sugar next time, as the carrots are sweet enough on their own (I used baby).  But that is just me.

Calories for this bowl are about 380, and that will depend on the cream cheese variety you use.  So, a little calorie dense, but good for a post workout brekkie (not that I worked out or anything today….)

Slow work morning, so I got some things done at my snail’s pace around here.  I walk with tiny little steps, but I am getting around!   Lunchtime was egg salad – haven’t had that in a while!

With a yummy anjou pear.  These are extra good this week.  Just like the strawberries.

I was feeling some chocolate, so I had some of a Hershey bar.

I then proceeded to have the rest of the bar, and some graham crackers and a few dates.  Plus a latte.  Got kind of snacky today!  Hello????  What is up with that?  Must be all that extra movement I am doing. 🙄

I was able to do a little upper body work today, like some wall pushups and tricep/bicep work with dumbbells.  Can’t keep me down for long!

Dinner time:

Breaded clam strips (baked), plus maple glazed parsnips.  I am officially a fan of parsnips now!  I’ll post the parsnip recipe tomorrow.  It’s quite good 😀

Without the exercise in my day, I have this extra slot of time.  It would be nice to go out and do things, but I get tired easily, or tired of being in the same position for too long, at any rate.  I think I was snacking a little bit out of feeling blue about how long this is taking me to heal up.

Know any good card games?

Challenges in weight loss and maintenance

I was going to title this something like struggles in weight loss and maintenance, but I really want to focus on reframing that word.  

Debby wrote an eloquent post on this subject the other day, and she commented to me about how it was good to hear someone else with the same issues.

I get emails or comments from time to time about how I stay so focused and determined.  Here’s the secret – I struggle, too!  I really think being a successful loser and maintainer is understanding that you are going to face tough times and you won’t always win.  Put me around certain foods or in certain situations and I will face plant into enough food to make me uncomfortably full – even when that was not my plan.

Sometimes it is just the urge to let up and eat.  When that happens, I refer to it as the old me having a temper tantrum.

Old me:  I want to just eat without thinking about it.  It’s not fair that other people can eat food and not gain weight.  Why can’t I just eat what I want when I want?

Following cues from the Beck book, I try to reason with said self with things like:  You know you don’t need to eat 6 servings of cereal, 1 is enough.  Of course it isn’t fair, but you just have to accept that and move on.  You can eat whatever you want when you want, but you have to be prepared to weigh 250 pounds again.

The old me sounds pretty petulant, right?  That voice pops out from time to time and sometimes reasoning with it just doesn’t work.  It’s much easier to give in.  We’ve all been there.

I have learned that when I do give in, it isn’t the end of the world.  I won’t gain back 100 pounds with 1 day of bingeing.  I do seem to be able to stop it pretty quick these days, though, and I think that is the result of years of practice.  I am not like a lot of the bloggers or people on forums I read that charge on down to goal losing a large amount of weight and keep it off.  It’s been such a long process (years) for me both physically and mentally.  This blog has actually been a useful tool for me to ponder things and get feedback (so thank you, gentle readers!).

I do win sometimes, though.  And all that good food you see on my blog is the result of learning to love different foods and making them taste good.  If you haven’t read my food philosophy, you can here.

I guess I would leave you with the thoughts that even when you get down to a happy weight, don’t expect to magically stay there, or that you are completely changed.  Heck, the journey down is the same way.  As imperfect beings, there will always be challenges, but what will make you successful is how you cope with those when they arise and learning how to speak to yourself with kindness.

Struggling in my mind.

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So, I ate on plan today, which is good. But it was a struggle. Do you ever have those times where you feel like you ate poorly, even though you didn’t? It’s so weird. It’s like I have that need to be perfect in both thought and action.

I don’t know if it is the scale thing that is starting to throw me for a loop or what. I have to remind myself (repeatedly, ad nauseum) that I expected to gain or maintain this month, but now that the reality is actually happening, my perfectionist mind is causing me grief.

And it doesn’t matter what I tell myself. Yes, I have come a long way, I’m seeing results in other ways than on the scale, yadda, yadda, yadda. 🙂

I did run 3 something miles this morning, and did my strength workout, as listed below. I have a 5K race this Sunday, so I moved my weekly runs to MWF instead of TTS. I think I like it better that way anyway. I really wonder how long the 5K will take me this weekend, I am kind of excited to find out!

Gonna go watch some football. My Broncos are 2-0 (thanks, refs!!).

Jogged 2.75 miles today

So, I am now gearing for the Silk & Satin 5K run at the end of July. I now know that I will be able to jog the whole thing, which was my ultimate goal. Now I am going to try to cut down my time. Not sure how much I can cut it down. I do about a 16 minute mile. Seems pretty slow on paper, but doesn’t feel slow while I am going around the track! I wear a heart rate monitor and keep my HR around 145 on average. That is a comfortable pace for me to go consistently at for the duration. I am hoping that a continued pace of that will eventually make the time go down as my body becomes more and more used to jogging. I still can’t believe I can go this far!

It seems like many people on different forums are really struggling now. They are all at different stages in their weight loss. Some are having trouble getting started, some have reached a significant milestone (say 50 pounds), and now can’t stay on track. It’s hard to give advice on that, although I have been there and back several times. Getting the mojo back takes dedication. Right now, I cannot imagine another alternative than to keep going. Those days where I want to say “F**k it, pass the pastries, please” are fewer now, but they still happen. When I am hanging on by a thread, I just try to get inspiration wherever I can find it. Whether that is reading other peoples’ blogs, or different forums, or success stories. Just convincing myself that I can make it through the next meal, and then do the next meal. Eventually, grinding it out gets me back to even playing field – as long as I keep at it.
Not sure what words of wisdom there are in this post (if any), but maybe it is just that there will be times when you have to roll around in the trenches to keep going. Tough it out, and it will get better – and remember that for the next time.