I was pretty lucky in having a lot of support during my many attempts at losing weight. Not that there weren’t challenging situations and all that, but I think having the people closest to you help you makes a big difference.
Now, John was overweight for a while as well and we were not always losing at the same time. This last time down the scale, it was probably a year or two into it with me eating my new way of eating and John eating what he did. However, he never pushed food on me or sabotaged me in any way.
We eat together, but not always the same thing – and this is true today. John will never eat broccoli and I have it pretty much every single day. He eats a lot of beans and I rarely do.
One thing that is harder when you are maintaining is that the support may not be there like you need it to be still. Many times you will hear, “Lighten up” or “It’s a holiday” or whatever. It’s also the time when a lot of the compliments and such that you received while losing don’t happen anymore because you have been at your weight for a while. There is also the idea that I noticed people have that you don’t need any more support – like you have it all figured out – which is so not the case!
When I do need support, I ask for it. I will read more blogs and websites to help with whatever issue I am having. I will blog about it and use feedback from there. Even if you cannot get familial or friend support – there is a huge community on the internet willing to give you whatever you need. Even if they don’t know it they are giving it (because you read a blog and never comment).
I also give support when asked and I tend to do tough love support (ask my family about that). I will ask when I need it, mostly from John – particularly when my eating starts to get way off track (kind of like it is starting to right now).
You do also need to be careful that the support you are getting is not ‘enabling’ support, but true support to continue on to your goals.
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Make sure you read about “Maintaining Support or Not,” at my fellow AIMers’ blogs for their thoughts on this topic!
AIM: Adventures in Maintenance is Lynn, Lori, Debby, Shelley, and Cammy, former weight-loss bloggers who now write about life in maintenance. We formed AIM to work together to turn up the volume on the issues facing people in weight maintenance. We publish a post on the same topic on the first Monday of each month. Let us know if there is a topic you would like us to address!
That’s the difference between us: I hardly ask for help (said it on Shelley’s blog too). I usually try (think I need) to solve everything on my own. If I found the solution, then I share. I need to change that but I’ve always been someone who tries to figure out everything on her own. I don’t even ask R. for help/support.
Looks like I am keeping you busy reading today, Fran LOL!
I am uber independent and asking for support is hard, but I have to do it so someone isn’t sabotaging me without realizing it.
I need to learn it too because like you I’m an independent women.
Doesn’t matter about the reading 🙂 I usually don’t read blogs during the weekend and catch up the next week and your posts are always a pleasure to read.
I’ve actually grown to *prefer* the blogging community’s version of support. There’s comfort in engaging with people who KNOW the issues, first hand.
Such a great post Lori & I relate to a lot of it! Steve & I eat differently but been like that for so long that it does not bother us…. I am way past the people saying I can ease up or do this or that – I make the choices for when I want to enjoy or not & it works for me & after all these years, I have no probs telling people that in a nice way! 🙂
Exactly what Cammy said…although Jeff will go along with whatever I cook for dinner, there are times when he might risk incurring my wrath by questioning if I’m going for an indulgent meal. For whatever reason, I can hear it much better from my blog friends than him! I admire that you can ask John for tough love – I’d get too pissy about it with Jeff.
I think this is why I love the blogging community so much. We may follow different plans and are different stages of the journey but the bottom line is that we share a lot in common. The support there is amazing!
In real life, my boyfriend is my biggest supporter. My family a close second. I want to be my #1 supporter too!
Have a fantastic month! Thanks for sharing and inspiring (as always!)
“Lighten up.” That’s not something I hear too often, thank goodness. Because it would be like waving a red flag in front of me. I think my freinds and family know that I still have a hard time maintaining.
This is a great post and an important topic. Support is so vital – whether you’re in the middle of losing weight or trying to maintain – and I think many people do try and sabotage progress. I’m not always sure why. I absolutely couldn’t do my current diet without my boyfriend Ben’s support. In fact, he is absolutely certain I’ll be successful that when I’m wavering, that encouragement really really helps. I think I blog a lot for that online encouragement too. It’s needed whenever you’re trying to stick with something that’s hard to do.
I totally agree about the support you can find on the blogging community. As a blogger, I find myself giving support a lot more than I ask for it, but when I do need help, my bloggers and my blog’s Facebook community are the ones I turn too. My family tries to be supportive, but most of m family members have either never struggled with their weight or they’re not interested in getting healthy, s they try but they just don’t KNOW the way the online community does. So grateful for everyone out there!
I have learned so much from the bloggers out there! It’s so nice to know that I’m not alone, and to know that it is possible to succeed! I, too, really dislike it when people say, “lighten up,” or “it’s a special occasion.” They just don’t understand the “trigger food” concept. That one “special” piece of cheesecake might have long-reaching trigger consequences!
I cant tell you how discouraging it is to constantly hear those words “lighten up” “take a break” “its a special occasion” blah blah blah. The truth is those special occasions are continuous…..birthday parties, picnics, carry ins, baseball games, etc. If I am going to make this eating healthy thing work it has to work through ALL the bumps in the road. Why don’t they “get” it. Just yesterday we went to my granddaughters birthday party. At a park with lots of unhealthy (yet I’m sure delicious) picnic food. So I stopped at Wendy’s and picked up a Baja chili salad for me. And I got to hear…”guess our foods not good enough for you”. Now yes I’m sure it was said with a teasing tone but still do they know how hard it was for me to even be that disciplined? Maybe I’m being to sensitive……
I have found more support online than anywhere else. I don’t have enough of it in my real life. People think because I’ve lost so much weight that I have all the answers, when really I still struggle all the time.
I loved what you said on Debby’s blog about (and I’m paraphrasing) ridding yourself of people who make you feel badly about yourself (or your choices). I used to think I had to listen to what everyone said, especially while I was losing weight, because somehow they knew more than I did about me. I know, not healthy, but once I became my own best support, I was able to discern the kind of external supports that were most helpful.
I liked what you wrote about making sure the support isn’t enabling support! Words of wisdom! I’m pretty good at asking for support, asking to eat at certain restaurants that have better options for me, asking if I can bring a recipe to someone’s house that is healthy so I know I can eat healthy. My family and close friends are use to it and even go out of their way to offer me fruit for dessert instead of something fattening or high sugar. I feel that most of them support my choices even if they don’t have to watch what they eat.